THESE ARE THE LOST WRITINGS WHERE UNPUBLISHED AND FORGOTTEN POETRY FINALLY COMES TO LIGHT.
A Letter From A Sinner
I sit and ponder as my skies grow darker and clouds start to form I’m in the middle of this storm
Enticing a lightning with a rod, “come and strike me”, I call up above come swoop me in a bliss of your mercy just come and take me.
You had your fun watching me on the run Haven’t I suffered enough? You had your laugh but end it now and I’ll take my vow to surrender to your grace please end this craze of mine.
I am not fine yet everybody acts like they’re so kind. Asking “how are you?” they haven’t got a clue. “I’m okay.” that’s what I’ll say Maybe this is the price I have to pay for all the sins that I have made. For the times I didn’t praise your name.
Now, my darkest hours are here to stay. I’m on my knees with my face full of tears. I ask for your grace and here I pray.
I wrote a bunch of poetry back in 2017, it was all over the place so I finally retrieved it from my old broken laptop and some were from my old journal pages that I may have forgotten about.
For the next few days I decided to publish some of it here since I am currently uninspired to write. So, forgive these old words that I hope you’ll like.
It is easier to write when you’re in pain. It seems that ideas come easily when you’re sad, angry or devastated. It’s easier to explain the negative feelings rather than the happy ones.
These past few days I’ve been writing and writing but I never really publish it here because I just look at my writings and most of it are sad pieces and I don’t want my blog to be like that, I mean I am trying to have a positive outlook right? But then I realize that when you’re sad, words just comes out naturally and when you’re happy you can’t really explain it. When you’re happy sometimes you have too much words for it that you can’t organize it into writings, you don’t know how to begin to tell an awesome day but when you’re sad you know what to exactly write or say, every word is a vomit, it’s what you really wanted to tell without thinking about it first. At least that’s how I see it.
Maybe what I’m trying to say here is that it’s more interesting to write about painful stuff, it has different emotions which you can play around. And people mostly relate to these kind of stuff, some people embrace their negative emotions that reading sad writings or watching titanic for the nth time comforts them (weird way of coping up) I guess sadness over sadness cancels out the sadness and makes them positive after.
So here’s to sad writings!
I saw this while scrolling through my drafts. I wrote this a few months ago last summer, I don’t really know why I didn’t published it here but anyways, this is one of the many good reasons why you need to start writing, you can go back and remember what you were like and what you were currently feeling while you were writing a certain entry. Even though this draft was written just a few months ago I feel like a lot of things have changed.
In that draft, I remember feeling “sad” about certain things that I’ve written consecutive posts about that emotion and I got sick of posting about it and want to get over it so I guess I wrote that. What has change now is that writing about this specific emotion is also getting harder, it’s also hard to explain it now, it’s no longer a “vomit”. It’s been getting harder to formulate and construct writings nowadays maybe I’m having that writer’s block but I’m still trying to let out my emotions through writing which mainly the reason why I started to write.
Next month this blog will be a year old, this “blogging” thing is probably one of those hobbies that I did not get tired of easily lol.
Going back to that draft…
I guess I stopped by to reread it because lately I’ve been writing mostly about struggles and about sadness again. It’s quite frustrating though that it’s the only thing that I can write about these past few days so I guess that draft is kind of my way to reassure myself that writing about this emotion is completely fine and people have different ways to cope with sadness and this is my way to deal with it. I was kind of worried what others might think, I was feeling quite conscious on what I should write about. A lot has changed in the way I think in a course of one year that quite affected what I write and how I write because of insecurities and overthinking but then I remembered that this blog is mainly for myself, to vent out and to try to understand myself. I want to redeem myself and those days where writing comforts me.
So again, here’s to sad writings and generally to writing! 🙂
Always try to remember why you started doing something.