So Fucking Sad

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The sudden thoughts of failing before even starting. The unclear image of the future. The part where everything that you do eventually crumbles down. And feeling alone through it all. These thoughts makes you lie down and curl up on the bed, trying to pull what’s inside your chest while your swollen eyes can’t tear up anymore.

Have you ever felt so fucking sad that your heart feels like it’s going to explode any moment?


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Hellooooooo

It’s been quite a while I know. This is my first post for this year. Life has been quite overwhelming the last few months. I got a job then left 6 months after to start a business. I have this path but I keep taking turns to see more of what’s out there. I feel lost but I’m quite enjoying the adventure. Life has been hard, problems arise especially when you have a lot of time to spare. I kept imagining and thinking of how to meet expectations. I’m getting older and I’m not even on half of the things that I wanted to achieve. I know life is not a race but often times I kept wondering of why I’m not moving even though I’m already running. There were times when the thought of giving up creeps into my mind but I’m glad that the thought of pursuing my goals is greater.

My Gigantic Thought Bubble has been inactive for quite some time now because my mind found its way to filter the negative thoughts in a healthier way. I started this blog for the sole purpose of having an outlet. Lately, the thoughts has been manageable to deal with and writing has been my friend for such a long time especially when things were not okay but right now things are okay. And also, I found a way to be more open of how I feel with the people around me. As cliche as it may sound it’s true when they say that “it gets better” but challenges are always going to show up and test you.

I’m returning to my writing habit… again lol. We’ll see from here. See you around.

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Not Alone

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I was born free,
you can never
tie me down
or maybe they
just let me be
live independently
I just never known
what it’s really like
to not be alone.


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Leakage

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Colors leaking outside of me, a once active
imagination now unable to see and create
tales as lively as before, I now live inside
a dying world with a dried up source
never knowing when it will replenish
or should I just accept that soon every
story inside of me will somehow perish?


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Missing Muse

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It’s all painted in white, everything is clear.
Colorful painted walls suddenly disappeared,
along with the calmness of her mind and heart
comes with the emptiness of her vision and art.

Plants bloom after being watered down by rain,
too long under the sun, now she misses the pain.
Grew a garden in this once unkempt landscape,
built up a fence around it, now she wants to escape.

She had the peace of mind that she once craved
but pouring herself in a canvas, she was saved.
It was lost the moment she found her tranquility,
searching for can of paints, instead found anxiety.


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