Another year ended folks! I hope you had a great 2018 and I’m hoping that you have a prosperous 2019. In this post I just want to share what’s in store for this blog in 2019 and reason why I haven’t been writing that much.
I barely write or read any books anymore, I feel like I’m losing that part of me everyday. My love for literary is slowly fading and the harsh notion of reality is consuming me– influencing me to forget this part of my life and just focus on earning money. I’m slowly losing a piece of me and replacing it with a piece that is so common, I’m becoming like every one else in this f*cked up society. I’m starting to realized that I am not special and I am not that different to anyone.
I used to think that I was different because I always felt out of place anywhere I go and that used to frustrate me until I started reading more books and began being more introverted like I have my own world, that was what my family used to say all the time. And that was fine for me because I didn’t want to be like any of them. But then I graduated and I got a job, I entered the reality. It was difficult and still is, and being in an environment where the thing that you wanted to do the most is unpractical and you need to have a mindset that you need to earn more money for the future, that is what happening to me right now. I am now a puppet of this life.
I still thank this blog for reminding me how my mind worked in the past, like I kind of had a purpose– a meaning. But now I’m losing motivation to write, I know I have a lot of things to say but I just can’t put it into words, it’s all blank. It breaks my heart a bit because when I started this blog, it kept me busy. It was all I ever wanted to do at my past time, it kept my mind at peace somehow. Now, I post shitty uninspired stuff (I’m sorry). I have so much to say I just can’t find the words in me. So, bear with me because this 2019 I will try and regain that part of me.
The fate of Gigantic Thought Bubble blog is unpredictable as of this moment. I hope that I’ll get inspiration, motivation and will to write meaningful stuff this year. I limited my usage of social media once again, it’s making me lazy. I will post every Sunday because that is my only day off and that is my little goal for this blog to try and revive it. Hopefully I get to do it. (fingers crossed)
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
I hope you have a great one.
– Joana x
Oh hello there, I don’t know if you still remember me or this blog. It has been a REALLY LOOOONG time wasn’t it? Well, I’m still here my friends. The rush of life and living has gotten into me that I forgotten all the things that used to make me happy like what I’m doing right now which is writing.
I’m just here to release some things from my heart and from my mind if that’s alright.
I have been a “corporate slave” for a year, congrats to myself lol. It’s quite sad to think that everything that I wrote here about passion and happiness over the past years is contradicting everything that I’m doing with my life right now. It’s easy to think about it— to dream about it and thinking that it’s all going to be just a dream because you can’t do it in reality due to you’ll starve to death first before you can actually do your passion is really frustrating.
I ended up following the usual flow and just hope something will come up along the way to somehow lessen the unfulfilling and unsatisfied emotions that I’m currently feeling. I want to go back to the time where everything was so simple, when life was easy. It’s difficult to grow up but I’m still young and I’m still hoping that one day everything will make sense and I’ll finally be happy.
One year into working and it feels too fast that I think I’m just wasting my time, I’m like working until I die. Life is so repetitive or maybe I’m just doing something that I’m getting tired of, at first working in the accounting field was quite exciting because it’s a new environment and I’m learning a lot but over time I’m getting tired of how repetitive it is, I started to think that my life is such a waste if this is the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life. This work is so tiring with such little recognition, I have no problem with my work mates and bosses, it’s the company itself and its policies. I can feel and see the way people do things to be on top and to gain more money, it’s kind of sad because this is the real world and it’s slowly killing everything that I believe in just to survive and it’s also slowly killing me inside.
I’m still hoping though that everything will make perfect sense, I’m thankful for the support system that I got especially to my boyfriend even though we fight and argue a lot. I don’t usually see my friends nowadays, we are all “adulting” and I understand that. Growing up is quite sad, scary, exciting and a bunch of other emotions that it’s quite difficult to feel one emotion at a time that you feel it all at the same time lol.
Well, that’s all I can think of right now to share or should I say I’m just too lazy to write everything. Forgive this poor written entry, I just really missed writing and pouring my mind in here.
It’s been months since I last posted in here and from those times that I wasn’t posting here I always tell myself that I’m going to write something but I end up feeling tired and just keep the words I intend to write in my mind instead.
Today is Sunday and it’s raining, it’s the start of the rainy season from where I am and it’s my favorite season and type of weather. I was lying in my bed and I just feel really comfortable that I just want to stay in bed all day and just listen to the sound of the rain but then I had the urge to grab my notebook and just write. So I did, I wanted to write about the times that I was not writing and the reason why I was not writing.
I always blamed my job for taking all of my time, it’s impossible to juggle relationships, sleep and other stuff after work. But then I realized that it was not really about the amount of time I need to allot to write, it was about how I was supposed to write. Writing for me is where you pour your emotions out and it’s a way to vent out and lately I have no emotions left to pour that I felt my words will no longer have meaning when I write it with no feelings at all. It’s the true feeling of numbness and emptiness that I don’t feel anything at all, even the type of pain that you can feel in your chest is gone. It’s like I got tired of everything and I just accept everything that is happening and I’m not making any efforts at all. I used to care so much and now I’m just losing interest in everything that I once loved doing and that includes writing.
How am I supposed to write when I can no longer feel anything? When I can no longer put words to what I’m thinking?
That’s where my Gigantic Thought Bubbled popped! I keep wondering if the-not-feeling-anything part is just the effect of growing up and adulthood because if it is I don’t want it anymore, I just want to freeze time.
I want to do something about it and I want to write again even about the dumbest thing that I can think about and I kind of lost my poetic side as well and I want to bring it back. I’m writing again and I will try my best to post regularly because I just want to bring back my old self or even just a part of myself where I once cared.
P.S. How is everyone? I miss reading your blogs. 🙂
Lately I’ve been thinking…
of things that I can do in 2018 to make my life a little more exciting because I want something new in my life, I want some changes. Don’t get me wrong 2017 was great but I feel like something is still missing, I don’t know what it is but I just want to do things that I’ve never done before and I want to do it this 2018 and I’m thinking of those things as of this moment.
Lately I’ve been feeling…
Emotionless, I’m in a point of my life where I don’t really care anymore. I’m neither sad nor happy. I’m waiting for something to happen I just don’t know what it is. It’s really hard to explain what I’ve been feeling lately. It’s like I shut off my emotions, it’s like everything I say and do right now is fake and I act like I do because that’s how normal people should react. I really closed the vents, it’s even harder to write it out when writing was my only way to express how I feel but right now it’s a struggle as well. 2017 was a complete opposite of 2016 for me where I had all those breakdowns, I became a robot this 2017. I wonder what I’ll be in 2018 *fingers crossed*.
Lately I’ve been wanting…
To be with friends, drink and go out. Stay in, write and read books. These are the things I miss the most since I started working, especially writing. This blog has been inactive for weeks and I’m really sorry about that, I really wanted to write but when I get home I just want to lie in bed and just sleep. Now, I want to make up for it this 2018 and be active again and I will really try to post regularly, even just once a week.
Lately I’ve been doing…
Besides from work, nothing lol. I go to work, go home, sleep and repeat. Well, I go out with my friends sometimes for a night out and I really make time for them even if I know that I will lose sleep and go to work the next day feeling like a zombie lol but it’s worth it. Also, my sister is back from Ireland, so every now and then we also go out and eat and just spend time together. We recently went to Boracay (too lazy to post photos) and spent our Christmas there, I needed that getaway.
Lately I’ve been hoping…
It’s New Year I just hope for the best this 2018 for everyone and I’m hoping that I get to do new things in my life and find more things to be excited and thankful for. I also hope you can all forgive this short entry yet again, adult life is taking over me lol
OVERALL LIFE IN 2017:
⁃ Graduated college
⁃ Struggle of finding a job
⁃ Struggle of transitioning to adulthood
⁃ Realized that the “real world” truly sucks but at the same time I find it exciting.
⁃ Felt like life was only beginning but at the same time I felt like life’s activity was repetitive and thought that I’ve already had enough.
When I look back at 2017, it’s quite a blur. It’s like somebody pressed the fast forward button and I can’t even remember half of the things that went down that year. All I know is that right now I’m still here and I endured it all so far and I’m hoping to do the same this 2018.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS THIS 2018.
P.S. Leaving New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift just because it’s New Year’s 😊