LACK OF LOVE

Maybe I grew up with lack of love that no matter how hard I try to fill it up, it’s just not enough.
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ONE OF THESE DAYS

One of these days you’ll finally notice that I’m not around anymore. Piece of me each day walks away and you’ll wish you did everything you could just to make me stay.

THIS DAY

I’m currently sitting here in front of this amazing person who I am totally comfortable with and he’s watching something on his phone, I can also feel that he’s comfortable with me and all I can think about is that I’m so grateful that this person is in my life. This person sitting across the table is my person. He’s someone I get to talk to about everything without feeling insecure and without worries. This person is someone I can share the silence with without awkwardness. He’s someone I can spend the day with without doing anything and still think I had an awesome day.

On this day I can really tell that I am in love with this person.

2019

Another year ended folks! I hope you had a great 2018 and I’m hoping that you have a prosperous 2019. In this post I just want to share what’s in store for this blog in 2019 and reason why I haven’t been writing that much.

I barely write or read any books anymore, I feel like I’m losing that part of me everyday. My love for literary is slowly fading and the harsh notion of reality is consuming me– influencing me to forget this part of my life and just focus on earning money. I’m slowly losing a piece of me and replacing it with a piece that is so common, I’m becoming like every one else in this f*cked up society. I’m starting to realized that I am not special and I am not that different to anyone.

I used to think that I was different because I always felt out of place anywhere I go and that used to frustrate me until I started reading more books and began being more introverted like I have my own world, that was what my family used to say all the time. And that was fine for me because I didn’t want to be like any of them. But then I graduated and I got a job, I entered the reality. It was difficult and still is, and being in an environment where the thing that you wanted to do the most is unpractical and you need to have a mindset that you need to earn more money for the future, that is what happening to me right now. I am now a puppet of this life.

I still thank this blog for reminding me how my mind worked in the past, like I kind of had a purpose– a meaning. But now I’m losing motivation to write, I know I have a lot of things to say but I just can’t put it into words, it’s all blank. It breaks my heart a bit because when I started this blog, it kept me busy. It was all I ever wanted to do at my past time, it kept my mind at peace somehow. Now, I post shitty uninspired stuff (I’m sorry). I have so much to say I just can’t find the words in me. So, bear with me because this 2019 I will try and regain that part of me.

The fate of Gigantic Thought Bubble blog is unpredictable as of this moment. I hope that I’ll get inspiration, motivation and will to write meaningful stuff this year. I limited my usage of social media once again, it’s making me lazy. I will post every Sunday because that is my only day off and that is my little goal for this blog to try and revive it. Hopefully I get to do it. (fingers crossed)

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

I hope you have a great one.

 

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– Joana x

A QUICK CATCH UP AND A LITTLE VENT/RANT

Oh hello there, I don’t know if you still remember me or this blog. It has been a REALLY LOOOONG time wasn’t it? Well, I’m still here my friends. The rush of life and living has gotten into me that I forgotten all the things that used to make me happy like what I’m doing right now which is writing.

I’m just here to release some things from my heart and from my mind if that’s alright.

I have been a “corporate slave” for a year, congrats to myself lol. It’s quite sad to think that everything that I wrote here about passion and happiness over the past years is contradicting everything that I’m doing with my life right now. It’s easy to think about it— to dream about it and thinking that it’s all going to be just a dream because you can’t do it in reality due to you’ll starve to death first before you can actually do your passion is really frustrating.

I ended up following the usual flow and just hope something will come up along the way to somehow lessen the unfulfilling and unsatisfied emotions that I’m currently feeling. I want to go back to the time where everything was so simple, when life was easy. It’s difficult to grow up but I’m still young and I’m still hoping that one day everything will make sense and I’ll finally be happy.

One year into working and it feels too fast that I think I’m just wasting my time, I’m like working until I die. Life is so repetitive or maybe I’m just doing something that I’m getting tired of, at first working in the accounting field was quite exciting because it’s a new environment and I’m learning a lot but over time I’m getting tired of how repetitive it is, I started to think that my life is such a waste if this is the thing that I’m going to do for the rest of my life. This work is so tiring with such little recognition, I have no problem with my work mates and bosses, it’s the company itself and its policies. I can feel and see the way people do things to be on top and to gain more money, it’s kind of sad because this is the real world and it’s slowly killing everything that I believe in just to survive and it’s also slowly killing me inside.

I’m still hoping though that everything will make perfect sense, I’m thankful for the support system that I got especially to my boyfriend even though we fight and argue a lot. I don’t usually see my friends nowadays, we are all “adulting” and I understand that. Growing up is quite sad, scary, exciting and a bunch of other emotions that it’s quite difficult to feel one emotion at a time that you feel it all at the same time lol.

Well, that’s all I can think of right now to share or should I say I’m just too lazy to write everything. Forgive this poor written entry, I just really missed writing and pouring my mind in here.

Joana x