MY GIGANTIC THOUGHT BUBBLE POPPED!

It’s been months since I last posted in here and from those times that I wasn’t posting here I always tell myself that I’m going to write something but I end up feeling tired and just keep the words I intend to write in my mind instead.
 
Today is Sunday and it’s raining, it’s the start of the rainy season from where I am and it’s my favorite season and type of weather. I was lying in my bed and I just feel really comfortable that I just want to stay in bed all day and just listen to the sound of the rain but then I had the urge to grab my notebook and just write. So I did, I wanted to write about the times that I was not writing and the reason why I was not writing.
 
I always blamed my job for taking all of my time, it’s impossible to juggle relationships, sleep and other stuff after work. But then I realized that it was not really about the amount of time I need to allot to write, it was about how I was supposed to write. Writing for me is where you pour your emotions out and it’s a way to vent out and lately I have no emotions left to pour that I felt my words will no longer have meaning when I write it with no feelings at all. It’s the true feeling of numbness and emptiness that I don’t feel anything at all, even the type of pain that you can feel in your chest is gone. It’s like I got tired of everything and I just accept everything that is happening and I’m not making any efforts at all. I used to care so much and now I’m just losing interest in everything that I once loved doing and that includes writing.

How am I supposed to write when I can no longer feel anything? When I can no longer put words to what I’m thinking?

That’s where my Gigantic Thought Bubbled popped! I keep wondering if the-not-feeling-anything part is just the effect of growing up and adulthood because if it is I don’t want it anymore, I just want to freeze time.

I want to do something about it and I want to write again even about the dumbest thing that I can think about and I kind of lost my poetic side as well and I want to bring it back. I’m writing again and I will try my best to post regularly because I just want to bring back my old self or even just a part of myself where I once cared.

Joana x

P.S. How is everyone? I miss reading your blogs. 🙂

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LIFE LATELY 07 | HOW WAS YOUR 2017?

Lately I’ve been thinking…

of things that I can do in 2018 to make my life a little more exciting because I want something new in my life, I want some changes. Don’t get me wrong 2017 was great but I feel like something is still missing, I don’t know what it is but I just want to do things that I’ve never done before and I want to do it this 2018 and I’m thinking of those things as of this moment.

Lately I’ve been feeling…

Emotionless, I’m in a point of my life where I don’t really care anymore. I’m neither sad nor happy. I’m waiting for something to happen I just don’t know what it is. It’s really hard to explain what I’ve been feeling lately. It’s like I shut off my emotions, it’s like everything I say and do right now is fake and I act like I do because that’s how normal people should react. I really closed the vents, it’s even harder to write it out when writing was my only way to express how I feel but right now it’s a struggle as well. 2017 was a complete opposite of 2016 for me where I had all those breakdowns, I became a robot this 2017. I wonder what I’ll be in 2018 *fingers crossed*.

Lately I’ve been wanting…

To be with friends, drink and go out. Stay in, write and read books. These are the things I miss the most since I started working, especially writing. This blog has been inactive for weeks and I’m really sorry about that, I really wanted to write but when I get home I just want to lie in bed and just sleep. Now, I want to make up for it this 2018 and be active again and I will really try to post regularly, even just once a week.

Lately I’ve been doing…

Besides from work, nothing lol. I go to work, go home, sleep and repeat. Well, I go out with my friends sometimes for a night out and I really make time for them even if I know that I will lose sleep and go to work the next day feeling like a zombie lol but it’s worth it. Also, my sister is back from Ireland, so every now and then we also go out and eat and just spend time together. We recently went to Boracay (too lazy to post photos) and spent our Christmas there, I needed that getaway.

Lately I’ve been hoping…

It’s New Year I just hope for the best this 2018 for everyone and I’m hoping that I get to do new things in my life and find more things to be excited and thankful for. I also hope you can all forgive this short entry yet again, adult life is taking over me lol

OVERALL LIFE IN 2017:

⁃ Graduated college

⁃ Struggle of finding a job

⁃ Struggle of transitioning to adulthood

⁃ Realized that the “real world” truly sucks but at the same time I find it exciting.

⁃ Felt like life was only beginning but at the same time I felt like life’s activity was repetitive and thought that I’ve already had enough.

When I look back at 2017, it’s quite a blur. It’s like somebody pressed the fast forward button and I can’t even remember half of the things that went down that year. All I know is that right now I’m still here and I endured it all so far and I’m hoping to do the same this 2018.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! I WISH YOU ALL THE HAPPINESS THIS 2018.


How was your 2017?

P.S. Leaving New Year’s Day by Taylor Swift just because it’s New Year’s 😊

LIFE LATELY 06


Lately I’ve been thinking…

A lot about my future and it’s a good sign because it means I intend to live a life and I intend to have a good one. Before I have this thinking what’s meant to happen will happen but now that I’ve landed my first job yes you read that write after deliberately “whining” here from time to time about how hard it was to get a job, I finally have a job now. It changed my mindset on things and in life. I’m officially an adult now and officially a corporate slave lol. It’s not going to be any easier and it feels like life is just starting for me. 


Lately I’ve been feeling…

Excited and nervous at the same time, tomorrow is my first day at work. I’m excited because it’s a whole new “game” for me and nervous because I don’t really know what to expect but right now the excitement weighs more than the nervousness.


Lately I’ve been wanting…

To start reading books again, I still haven’t finish my list yet that I had set 3 months ago and the last book that I had read was Sad Girls by Lang Leav that I wanted to write a reaction/review but sadly I did not had the chance to do. 

Lately I’ve been doing…

For the past weeks I’ve been busy going to job interviews and last week I finally got a job offer so I needed to submit the requirements which took up a lot of my time, adult life is really hard I must say but it pays off right? I’m an accounting staff and it was really hard for me to get a job because honestly I was picky especially with the position that I wanted and I know as a fresh graduate you’re not really in a position to be picky but I really wanted my first job to be aligned with what I studied (finance) and what I want for my career in the corporate world, this is a stepping stone for that. 

Besides all the job related stuff, I’ve also been busy watching series in between. I finished binge watching Game of Thrones and Designated Survivor. 😁 Great shows! 


Lately I’ve been hoping…

For a great career and hoping that my first day tomorrow will work out well (wish me luck). I’m just really glad that I’m not unemployed anymore, it’s quite depressing when everyone around you is busy doing something and you’re just sitting around, wasting other people’s money and having fun. 

I wish I could elaborate more on these things but I really don’t like doing lengthy posts. Anyway, have a great day everyone! 

How’s your life lately? 

LIFE LATELY 05

Lately, I’ve been thinking…

If I should write an individual post about my trip in Hong Kong and China or just share it in this “Life Lately” post. So, if I post this then the latter it is.

Lately, I’ve been feeling… 

Really tired 😴 That trip was really draining. The reason it was very tiring was because we went on a group tour so we had a very strict time schedule that we needed to follow. We needed to wake up at 6 am if we didn’t want to be late. And also it was very hot that it’s quite irritating, it added to that tiring feeling. But we also had fun especially on our free day which was our first day, we’re supposed to go to the Ocean Park but we had a delayed flight and also we just went there on our own. We took the train which me and my family felt like we had mastered the commuting life in Hong Kong lol. Though we got a bit lost which was really funny but we found our way around after asking for directions. When we got to the Ocean Park, we were so late and the ticket we bought was not an individual ticket, it was a group tour so we needed to be there on time. In the end we didn’t get to tour the Ocean Park which was really a waste of time, energy and money. We decided to go to Mong Kok instead.

We got lost in Hong Kong so many times which was probably the reason why we got so tired to the point that we can barely walk lol. 

Lately, I’ve been wanting…

To get a massage. To sleep. We just got back a few hours ago and I’ve already slept but I feel like I need to sleep more to catch up on all the sleeps I lost over that trip lol. 

Lately, I’ve been doing…

Too much walking and standing that’s why my legs feel like it’s going to fall off from my body. The clear overview of our trip in Hong Kong and China was tiring over fun. 

Lately, I’ve been hoping…

To finally get a freaking job!!! I put my job-hunt on hold because of this trip and now I’m back home and back to my normal life. I need to start that hunt again. 

How’s your life lately?