PISTANTHROPHOBIC

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Trust is a huge thing for a person like me, it is a fragile thing that once you obtain you should handle it with care.

There are a lot of things that happened in my life that made me a self-confessed pistanthrophobic or a person who is afraid to trust someone because of a past experiences in their lives. This experiences of mine had taught me a lot of things, it shaped me to this person who is a matured/independent girl but it also once made me a pessismistic person and also a person who doubts the world. 

I doubted my capabilities and I also doubted every person I meet. I feel like everyone that interacts with me wants something back from me. I feel like everyone is fake and once that you turn your back on them they say something negative about you. I don’t know why I have that kind of thinking but I guess it’s that experience that I went through, I got hurt. 

I have that instilled in me that don’t give your trust to anyone because you might get hurt once you fully give it. I guess that is my fear, to get hurt once again. I feel like I can’t handle another miserable happening in my life, I don’t want to go through that again.

So here I am still living like that, I always say that I don’t trust anyone and I also say that I only trust God, my friends know that but I am open to learning to let go and just trust but that will really take some time. I guess having a strong faith in God is my first step on learning to just let go. 

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